How to Handle Aging Parents and Stubbornness

Aging Parents and Stubbornness? I know, it seems a strange thing to consider. As people grow older, they tend to get a lot more stubborn and difficult to deal with, and people who have to handle seniors will have endless stories to tell. After numerous research and assessments, medical experts have noted the reasons behind why the elderly get so stubborn as they age.

How to Handle Aging Parents and Stubbornness

Reports show that children who have to deal with their parents get frustrated regularly as their parents’ level of strong-headedness is too much. Children realize that whenever they make suggestions that would benefit their parents and provide safety, they retaliate and decide on their own. They seem to have a mind of their own and don’t want to take orders from everybody.

Psychology experts have noted that one of the main reasons for this behavior is that parents and children have different goals, and they want them to be achieved on their own terms.

Aging Parents and Stubbornness

Apparently, aging parents want to exercise their rights to independence, like going to the grocery store independently. However, children may see this as a potential threat to them, especially if they have other illnesses that might affect their ability to function alone effectively. There is generally no agreement on terms of living and the activities they can engage in.

Why Are Seniors So Stubborn?

Seniors become stubborn as they get older, and it doesn’t seem like a major issue to them. They prefer to go by their own rules, and seeing their children or caregivers have to deal with the attitude is not always easy to handle. Their uncooperative behavior frustrates their children as their definition of independence differs.

Numerous things lead to seniors becoming so stubborn, and one of the main reasons is depression. Bear in mind, depression is caused by many things, and when these seniors can’t seem to have their own way, they vent with their actions.

Not being able to go out freely as they used to is another factor that leads to them becoming stubborn. Some additional factors that contribute to seniors’ rude behavior include dementia, fear of dying, anger, anxiety, isolation, and the thought of being placed in a nursing home.

How Do You Deal With Stubborn Aging Parents?  

When dealing with seniors, there are certain approaches to take if you don’t want to get swallowed up by their stubborn behavior. We all know how they can be at times, and it hasn’t proven easy sometimes to cope with taking care of them and balancing every other aspect of your life. When you have them to deal with, here are some steps to help you out…

Know How To Handle Select Situations

If there is a habit your elderly loved one has and is not causing any issues, you can probably leave that alone. However, if other things could threaten their lives, it is best to tackle that first.

For instance, if you are scared they can’t manage the stove on their own and don’t want them to cook, it is best to leave limited food in the house that requires cooking before consumption. This way, they won’t be able to engage in that practice.

Know When To Have Conversations

It is not a good option to pop in on them and say you want to talk. You have to make plans regarding the location, time, and who should be present when you are talking to them. Try to test their tolerance level and understand what moods they comply in the most.

Don’t Shut Them Out

When you are making serious family decisions, it is important not to leave them out as they may have some critical knowledge and experience we could do well with. Marginalizing them will somewhat make them feel useless, hopeless, and unwanted and, in return, might become rebellious.

Ask For Their Opinion

Don’t go around ordering them and telling them what to do, as this will trigger them to respond harshly to you. Instead, try to get their opinion on certain matters and see how best you can make it workable for their comfort and safety.

For sure, having a conversation will be hard when dealing with Aging Parents and Stubbornness, so with this approach, you have to expect a response like no other.  

Is Stubbornness a Sign of Dementia?

Dementia has the ability to change one’s personality and overall behavior. So, once you are dealing with a senior, it shouldn’t come as a surprise if you encounter a little stubbornness once in a while.

Seeing dementia sometimes makes them unaware of their surroundings and the people involved, they don’t do too well adapting to change. Forcing them might see these seniors rebelling.

What Are The 10 Warning Signs of Dementia?

With the general statement that aging people suffer from memory loss, many people might be overlooking dementia and not realize it. Here are 10 warning signs to look out for…

1. Difficulty in Finding Suitable Words

They may not always find the right words to express their thoughts, making general conversation with them very hard and sometimes long.

2. Problems With Short-term Memory

Things that happened well over 50 years ago live fresh in their minds, yet what they did up to an hour ago is hard for them to remember. Also, forgetting what they may have entered a room to do is an early sign of dementia.

3. Mood Swings

If you realize your elderly loved ones now have heavy mood swings, you might want to start thinking about early dementia. One moment they are happy and excited to do something they love, and within minutes, they feel a sudden urge not to want to do it anymore.

4. Apathy

Interest in doing what they used to enjoy is no longer a pull factor in getting them outdoors or grooving to have fun. They rather are by themselves and away from everyone.

5. Normal Tasks Now Hard

Seniors now realize that the things they could do on their own are relatively hard and form a challenge for them to complete. At one point, they could manage to do all their paperwork by themselves, but these days, they don’t even understand the contents.

6. Confusion

Life itself has become confusing for these seniors as they probably question their own existence and wonder why things happen the way they do. They find it hard to hold simple conversations, and this makes them withdrawn as socializing with their friends and family makes them confused as they don’t understand most of what is happening.  

7. Can’t Connect Stories

Have you ever tried telling them a story and realize they keep asking questions about what you previously said? This could be due to them not being able to follow through with a story, and with words being hard to understand, the conversation/story seems strange to them.

8. Failing Sense of Direction

If they can no longer find their way around places they knew very well, then dementia should be at the forefront of your mind. They can no longer recognize places they always visit, nor can they follow directions effectively.

9. Repeating Themselves

An early sign of dementia can be seen when seniors keep repeating themselves when engaged in a single conversation. You may notice they tell the same story as though they have never made mention of it before.

10. Unable to Accept Change

When seniors become a little drawback in accepting changes, they know early dementia is in full swing. If they are placed in a situation where they cannot relate or connect to, they may get rebellious and stubborn.

Loving your elderly loved ones is a must, but you have to ensure you have a lot of persistence and patience stored up when dealing with them. Trust us…you will need it when dealing with Aging Parents and Stubbornness!  

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How to Handle Aging Parents and Finances

Ouch – aging parents and finances. One of the most critical stages of taking care of your elderly parents is when it comes to their finances, as they are on a mission not to let anyone in their personal business.

How to Handle Aging Parents and Finances

They always try to keep their sense of independence when it comes to this aspect of their lives. Many of them believe that since they worked for their money, it is only fair they get to spend it how they wish.

What happens when they reach the stage they can’t keep a steady record of their spending, and the money keeps going down?

Aging Parents and Finances

Of course, it means their children or trusted caregivers have to step in and try to keep everything together before getting worse. But, one has to be mindful that it is a sensitive issue and should be addressed with lots of caution.

Who Is Financially Responsible For Elderly Parents?

When it comes to their aging parents, many children try to avoid taking on their parents’ full responsibilities in avoiding the troubles of tackling their duties with their family and put their parents on board.

What if we should tell you that there are select states that outline children to take on their parents’ responsibilities – especially if they can’t afford it themselves. We understand providing food, clothing, shelter, and the other necessities of life should be a priority, but what about other areas such as taking care of their medical bills?

These thirty states have a filial law that dictates that children basically “pay up” when the need arises for their parent’s basic living conditions to be fulfilled.

If the responsibility lies on you and you refuse to pay, there could be a lawsuit waiting for you to tackle in the court of law. Therefore, the best option is to set up a retirement plan for your parents to help them offset their living costs as they get older.

How Do I Get Control Over My Aging Parents Finances?

It is not the easiest task to get your aging parents to hand over the running of their finances to someone else as they feel that’s the main thing they have rights to. But, we have to admit that it is pretty risky when they are getting older to make them have full control as they might not fully keep track of all their spending.

As they age and their mental health deteriorates, it is hard to manage their day-to-day financial activities, and if not careful, identity theft could be a major issue. Here are a few ways you can approach to take control legally…

Talk About It

Many older folks fail to admit they are not as proactive as when they were younger, which is where the problem is. So, setting a suitable time to talk it over with them would go a long way. Also, it is best to talk things over with them before anything serious happens.

Let your aging parents know the rationale behind why you are doing what you’re doing and how much it will benefit them. You can also let them know the dangers if their financial information is exposed.

What is the Best Option To Take

If explaining to your parents the situation and deciding to let you handle things for them, you should try to go the legal way to have everything going right. You can either opt for…

Power of Attorney

A power of attorney allows you to make legal decisions on behalf of your loved ones related to their money and property. Your parents can revoke this decision once they can manage things on their own.

However, an attorney’s power does not give the right to handle everything but most select items outlined in the document. If a power of attorney is not revoked, it goes straight up until they die.

Guardian of Property  

If the court understands your relative can no longer efficiently manage their finances and properties after medical assessment, they might appoint a property guardian on their behalf. Also, it could be you are appointed their guardian, who gives you the right to handle everything about their health and other personal decisions.

Living Trust Trustee

There is also the option to create a living trust which covers all assets to which the senior might permit you to make decisions on their behalf. However, you need to fully understand how a living trust works as it has some legal implications should anything go against the detailed instructions.

They can put limited assets under the trust, but outside of that bond cannot be controlled by the trustee.

Understand How Elderly Finances Work

Once you are legally bound to any of the options outlined above, you become a fiduciary. By this, you can only act accordingly in the senior’s best interest. Bear in mind, it is still their money and assets, and you are only managing it on their behalf.

Inform Them About Scams

Scams play on one’s emotions heavily, and even those who are mentally stable can fall victim sometimes. It is important to have a serious talk with your loved ones about this critical issue as if they are not careful, they could see all their funds being depleted at the hands of criminals.

You can offer to help them avoid scams but still be mindful not to invade their personal space and override their authority.

Honor Their Wishes

Once again, we have to stress that the money belongs to the seniors, and they have all rights to it. Therefore, to help them manage their finances, you have to be mindful of their wishes and interests.

All about how phone scams hurt finances of our aging parents

Does Assisted Living Take All Your Money?  

For a fact, some assisted living does cost a lot…sometimes up to $150 per day. However, it does not necessarily take away all your money unless you didn’t manage to save up enough to take care of yourself during your senior years.

Based on published records, many seniors have a drawback when it comes to assisted living, especially for the misconception that is in the air. Even though expensive at times, it does not take away all your savings as there are legal ways to protect your assets.

Having a secured plan and putting measures in place to protect your assets will save you a lot from the idea of these facilities getting into your finances.

How Can I Hide Money From a Nursing Home?  

Many people believe that nursing homes will take away their assets and money once they move in. However, you can protect your own by taking a few steps to secure your assets before you move in. Some of these measures include…

1. Gift Your Loved Ones Monetary Gifts Before You Get Sick

To say you will have to move into a nursing home is far from your mind as you cannot know before it actually happens. If you are concerned about them digging into your finances, you can start by gifting some of your finances to your loved ones. This will help secure your finances as they would basically be holding on to it for you until you need it for other uses.

2. Let Your Attorney Draft A “Life Estate” For Your Real Estate

A life estate allows you to remain owner of your property until you die while entrusting it to your loved ones after. You can do this a few years before you get sick (even though you don’t know when it might happen), and you can be sure they are in good hands and away from nursing homes.

3. Transfer A Part Of Your Monthly Income To Your Spouse

Nursing homes generally watch your income, and they tend to use this as a way of trying to claim things from you. Reducing your salary by putting most of it to your spouse exempts these facilities from seizing your finances.

If by any chance, your spouse earns less than what the state usually exempts from tax, you could substitute the shortcoming with some from yours. This would be out of reach for these assisted living.

4. Put Your Assets In A “Pour-over” Trust

When you put your assets in a pour-over trust, it is safe from a seizure while you still have access to it. If you or your spouse should die first, you can be assured of your assets and finances being safe and protected in this trust. Also, you can assign another loved one to help you manage these trusts.

Financial Care For Elderly

Here is a FREE printable checklist for you to help work over your parent’s finances – it works, I use it!

Does A Nursing Home Take Your Pension And Social Security?

Some nursing homes tend to take residents’ pension and social security checks to cover their living costs. However, some laws bar many of them from doing that. The request to have seniors’ pension payments and social security checks sent directly to the homes can be rejected by the seniors themselves and assign someone to control it for them.

How Much Money Can You Keep When Going Into A Nursing Home?

Interestingly, many people who go into nursing homes can retain a certain amount of money with them and assets. For most states, there is a minimum amount of at least $2000 in assets when registering to get assisted living that patients can hold on to.

How Can I Pay For Assisted Living With No Money?  

There are ways of paying for assisted living without money as many nursing homes accept using Medicaid for payments. Even though many could not necessarily get Medicaid due to earning a certain amount, things have changed and allowed more persons to apply. There is also insurance you could seek out to use as payment instead of cash and assets.

Will Social Security Pay For Assisted Living?

For the most part, some states allow you to pay for assisted living through social security and special options. Once patients meet the agency’s requirements, they will be able to cover the cost on their behalf.  

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